So I’ve decided to take the next step and move in with my non magically inclined boyfriend. Yay! But after thinking over things as I stare at my altar I must admit that I’m a little apprehensive about it.
The reason for the tiny little butterflies that seem to be having some sort of aerial display in mid-section, Well that would due to the fact that although I’m openly pagan my wonderful boyfriend happens to be an ex-Mormon. Needless to say on some fronts we clash. He has also kinda of adopted a “Don’t ask Don’t tell” policy about my heathen ways, and so far it hasn’t really been an issue. But it got me thinking about how actually living with him is going to change how I practice. Am I going to go back into the proverbial broom closet? Is it going to cause problems in our relationship when I display my obviously witchy artifacts? (By the way please note that we have had this talk but application and theory sometimes do not coincide.) He has says that he no problem with my altar, or me wearing pagan influenced jewelry, But I can’t help but wonder if hanging a broom over the door or smudging the house will make him think twice about living with a witch? How do you all handle the loved ones in your life that just don’t get it?
9 comments:
Tough one! My household doesn't care, but I was mostly pagan, or at least openly occult practicing when I met John (I used/studied magick before finding witchcraft as a religion) John gets a little twitchy if I invite him to circles openly addressing named Gods, such as Dionysus, but he's alright with the Goddess or the God. He's alright with the concept of sending energy, or doing magick. He is also against talking boards, so we don't use talking boardsa at the house, and I frequently do spiritual cleansing when we clean house mundanely. James follows Thor, and is mildly dismissive of non-Norse Gods, and is, himslf, proof against magick and supernatural entities, so its not so much that he would care, but that his physical presence thwarts magickal effort. I figure that Patty's are a cetain way, and I might not cast magick on you without your permission, but i will work on an environment I am sharing, and i will worship and tattoo as I feel so inclined.
I'm thinking, start small-burn incense, if he's never had it before, and then kind of waft it around, and then next time mumble under your breath while doing it..baby steps.
I mainly do most of my verble work by mubling or whispering anyway, unless I feel the need to COMMAND something. The Universe can hear you, so I figure the actual talking is for me, to help me focus. Just start doing that thing in front of him, a little bit so he can see that its just a different flavor, but not CRAZY.
My husband is a non-witchy type, but he is okay with the stuff I do. For me, it is kind of my personal preference to do things when he (and my son) are not around.
Most of the time, if I am going to do something while they are home, I will go into the bedroom and close the door. My altar is in there anyways.
I think a lot of things are gaining greater popularity, and are not considered as 'witchy' anymore by the mass populous. Candles and incense are used by a lot of people, just because they like them, so that might not even seem odd to some people.
One thing that might help is to remind the non-witchy types that you live with that you are more than willing to answer questions or talk about things, but if you are in the middle of something, to please wait until you are done to ask. I know that, unless I enter into an activity with the intention of teaching it as I go, it is disjointing to stop and explain bits along the way.
I especially agree with Kylara's second paragraph. I'll explain anything I do just ask me at a good time. Now, some things are way more complicated for me to explain, or, also, some I don't really have an explanation for, I just felt it would be artistic, and I believe that is also a totally valid answer.
My fiance does not hold the same beliefs as me, but he accepted me and what I did, no problem. I just do my thing and he does his. We found it is more about accepting each other rather than trying to mesh things together that just will not mesh. If he is willing to live with you knowing what you believe, then be yourself. The worst thing you can do is try to hide or dilute it because you are afraid. It might just make him walk on eggshells about it around you making you feel more uncomfortable. Good Luck!
I grew up going to a christian church and my dad was a preacher. I hid my interests through my teen years by just doing things in my room with the door shut or doing things like palmistry and tarot at school with friends. I lived with my very christian mother for a couple of years and we had many religious discussions. I explained my beliefs to her as "similar to Native American in that it is nature-based and that my practices are always meant for good because of the rule of "harm none". She was the most understanding of any christian I know. My dad still doesn't get it and talks to me very infrequently. My siblings and I never talk because they are all still big into church activities. But who cares. I follow my path with pride and am not afraid to tell anyone that I am an eclectic Wiccan but always do my best to respect the beliefs of others.
Excellent advice! I've been living with him for about a month and have pretty much just keep my witchyness if you will to myself, I just brought a lot of my stuff over and I'm in the middle of negotiations with him about incense. He thinks t all smells like smoke and doesn't want the apartment to smell like smoke. I love oil burners and incense! So we are trying to compromise and find a solution that works for the both of us! I was openly pagan when we met as well, I think alot of his hesitation is that he has only ever met those crazy "pagans" that give us all a bad name. You know the ones I'm talking about the ones that make you cringe when they say Oh I'm a witch too!
Perhaps try taking him to the store and letting him pick out an incense to try? Or start out with a very light one..some do end up quite strong. Also, you can start with it in a well ventilated area, even lighting a stick while sitting on your porch can be a good way to ease into it
Ohhhhhh Good idea! Now the hard part will to be try to get him into an earthbound which is the only place around that sells decent incense and that's not saying much.
I used to do the oil burners or the potpourri heaters for the same reason-the smoke. I would forget about the wet mess in the potpourri heater, so that's not a really good choice-nasty when it molds, and not especially spiritual. i agree with Kylara, start him slow. I got used to incense, and now prefer it for its convenience and don't mind the smoke.
"Crazy Pagans"- I had gone to B&N looking for a book in the occult section that I hoped was there, because I was trying to explain something to 2 witch friends, and believed a particular book I wanted to show would be there. 2 women a little bit younger were there, and were looking for "High Priest" parts for their brother for rituals, as he was the High Priest and they were both High Priestesses. They struck up a conversation with us (I attract crazy people) looking for suggestions from other witches- i explained that we were independant solitary witches, so usualy didn't ritual that way as a rule, and perhaps their brother would like to pick out his own ritual parts?. Really tried not to judge, but I was failing fast.
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